January 28, 2009
emm's windows...
Thank you. Because you need to know you are giving me back a lot of things I lost. Slowly, but surely.
Trust. It remains an issue. But nothing is as priceless as that. So, we just got to hold out and let it come to us in time.
Meanwhile, still, 'Thank you'.
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 01:08
quiet
It must not have been telepathy. Perhaps, just some easy observation. But, yes, we were quieter the last two times. Somehow, there just weren't enough questions to ask. Or, more like... there were not many answers I knew I could get. I've long known there isn't much point pursuing if she's not going to share. That hasn't changed. I won't chase for answers because I know it's not in her to tell. When it is, she will be. I don't know where to begin. Begin the other things we could talk about. And I have a sense that we don't have time. It's our work, our families, our mutual friends, her many other friends anticipating to meet up with her, my boyfriend. I really feel we just don't have enough time. Not that we actually talk a lot and have a lot to tell each other. Perhaps we don't. But how to expect something when you don't even feel you have an exclusive right to? My work, the nature of it, sets me quite apart and different from most of the people I know. It may have given me the kind of lifestyle that I'm, still, enjoying. But I am now also seeing the other page, the fine print of the agreement. Not just the odd work-time. It's the feeling that you are all progressing in some kind of direction, meeting more and new people while I begin to feel left out in your life. Is it really because I chose to do this? Or because I'm turning into one of those boring attached personnel whose life slowly revolves around work-life and love-life? Either way, I do not wish happen. Where to begin asking and catching up? I'm sure we are more or less the same. But the players in our lives keep changing. The constant players, on the other hand, have enough on their own plates. Do we catch up with the players or with each other, or are they both related?I know not to pursue where there's no answers. But, I do not know how to begin pursuing when I feel time is running out and the strangers just got more.
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 00:43
re-thoughts
Possibly about a month ago, Christmas 2008, we remarked how soon it would be before Chinese New Year came round. So, it's this soon. Now, we know. Weeks before the year of the ox settles into 2009, I've begun creating endings. The end of this, the end of that... some, I discarded; some, I kept. Yet some, I'm waiting to pass on. Around the same time, my social life was crowded. I saw and shared in the milestones of friends. I anticipated the coming back of some very close friends. I tried to juggle meeting up friends with helping out at home, and with spending time with my sillyyou. I wonder, now, if I was also juggling with time for myself. If I was, it went pretty much unnoticed. xxxTonight was possibly a depressing night for many. After all, with all this festive seasons come and gone, February is a pretty dull month and the next public holiday from work is just too long away. After I'm done with lathering my skin with the moisturizing body gel, I heard some kind of buzzing. It sounded like it came from outside. I didn't want any annoying golden insect (not auspicious to me, that kind of gold) in my room. So, I switched off the lights, known to attract the much-feared crawlie. xxxI wondered why my littler cousins seemed to know our other relatives and cousins better than I do. I probably ought to contact and speak to my cousins a little more often. I wondered, at one point in time, if it's true that sisters, no matter what, have between them a bond that can only grow stronger. Yes, even if mine sometimes convince me that 'Impossible' can also be an ambition. I wondered, at another point in time, how much time and how many years do we all have, before we have to start bathing our parents and feeding them, like how my uncle fed my grandma. xxxI told Emm about my plans for this year and the coming years, hopefully. I really have no concrete plans. I don't quite think concrete plans work in this age and time that we live in. Especially not when every news channel dishes out news of retrenchment, net losses and recession. There are always plenty of ideas swimming in my head. Some, I shared. Some, I don't. But they really remain ideas. If the prediction for monkeys is ever accurate, perhaps this is the year which I can explore some of those ideas. Sometimes, the bigness of these ideas daunt me. Most of the time, however, it's the lack of funds. Always, as we all know, is the lack of motivation.
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 00:18
January 23, 2009
真正的快乐
Heard the song many times, but only watched the mtv for the first time on tv just now. Nice song. Nice lyrics... made me think... but a bit.你不是真正的快乐词曲：阿信 编曲：五月天 Mayday
人群中哭着 你只想变成透明的颜色你再也不会梦或痛或心动了 你已经决定了 你已经决定了你静静忍着 紧紧把昨天在拳心握着 而回忆越是甜就是越伤人 越是在手心留下密密麻麻深深浅浅的刀割你不是真正的快乐 你的笑只是你穿的保护色你决定不恨了 也决定不爱了把你的灵魂关在永远锁上的躯壳这世界笑了 于是你合群的一起笑了当 生存是规则 不是你的选择于是你含着眼泪 飘飘荡荡跌跌撞撞地走着你不是真正的快乐 你的伤从不肯完全的愈合 我站在你左侧 却像隔着银河难道就真的抱着遗憾一直到老了 然后才后悔着你值得真正的快乐 你应该脱下你穿的保护色 为什么失去了 还要被惩罚呢能不能就让悲伤全部结束在此刻重新开始 活着
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 12:35
January 22, 2009
one of those conversations...
em: So, what should I bring to your house (for CNY)? Abalone?me: Abalone? No, no need. em: You sure? I thought for Chinese, when you go to someone's house, or propose, you have to bring abalone?me: No... who told you?em: I don't know... it's just...me: Dear! You are going to propose using a can of abalone?em: (what?) ...me: Wah lau, you cheapo leh... People propose using diamonds! You use abalone?!em: ...me: So, you are going to hold up a can of abalone and say, "Jancy Chua, will you marry me?"em: (started to chuckle)me: (shakes head) I will so empty the abalone on your head...
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 13:45
January 21, 2009
FYI
(thank you, Annie... hehe... copied from your blog)
牛年12生肖运势 - 猴
你的命宫里有众多吉星聚集，凡事大吉大利，有富贵吉祥、贵人指路、地位提升、家宅喜庆等美好事情发生，但须防身体欠安，或因官非破财。千万不要骄傲自满，因为仍有不少凶星意图在你得意忘形之时发动攻势，令你陷入破败之中。
财运正财收入十分理想，打工的猴人甚至有额外的花红奖金；做生意的，今年的营业额可得不错的升幅。不过，流年命宫未有横财星，所以你不宜寄望有天降横财，注意钱不可露眼。
健康运今年的健康运势显得美中不足，容易招致疾病、血光等而伤身，因此要格外注意身体情况，避免暴饮暴食、打架斗殴和注意人身安全。加上今年工作忙碌，身体容易感到疲累，应争取充裕的休息，保持饮食均衡，尽量安排时间做运动。
事业运今年你得到“紫微”、“龙德”和“贵人”等大吉星照临命宫，事业的发展将是众生肖人士之冠，无人能及。打工的你有机会发挥所长，奠定升职的基础，可是，要小心旁人妒忌，甚至有小人在你背后制造事端，阻碍你工作的进度。
感情运在情感方面，今年桃花运势旺盛，因此是发展感情，缔结良缘的好年份，另外又有一颗“天喜”星，已婚的你，将有添丁之喜，蜜运中的你，与爱侣相处十分和睦，假如双方恋爱成熟，可以考虑缔结婚姻，一起组织家庭。单身的话，你将在今年找到理想的对象。
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 23:44
January 20, 2009
Ugly R word
7 leaves of butterhead lettuce, 5 cherry tomatoes, half an apple, a generous sprinkle of granola with almond flakes and 2 teaspoonfuls of Zesty Italian dressing. Serve with half a cup of low-fat fresh milk. That's my breakfast from today till... say, for another 4 days? Costs less than $1.50. Good for my bleeding pocket and good for detox too! Recession. There must be a cheaper way to eat well and happy. What's yours?
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 11:03
January 16, 2009
In the timespan...
of one phone conversation.
I really, really appreciate it and it makes me feel positive about our relationship. It has never happened before with Desmond nor Kay. But with Emm, we always resolve our arguments and conflicts before we hang up the phone and go to bed. Hmm, not wanting to sound skeptical, but so far, it's been like this. *crosses fingers*
I like it this way. I hate going to bed feeling insecure or pissed off. It just totally robs one of a good night's sleep that every one of us deserves, no matter what. Nobody should take a good night's sleep for granted, especially in this oft-insane world we live in.
We come, we see, we disagree. We argue, we misunderstand, we get pissed. But, we share, we talk, we listen. In the end, we agree to disagree, we resolve, we assure and we will grow.
So far, so good. *beams*
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 12:38
The Reunion
Me is looking forward to the crapping, bitching and pigging out. Me is also looking forward to laughing at Kyn, and maybe Wenn.
See the bitches later at Apple's house! SBC Reunites! Bring on the Ribena!
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 12:35
January 13, 2009
It's 'Aunty Jancy' to...
Jayden Tan!
Son of Tan GQ & Irene Ng.
The Royal Pain in The Ar** (baby around, mind my language) is now a father!
Congratulations! Enjoy the ride! Payback time!!! wahahahaha!!!
xxx
Awaiting... Nathaniel Tan and Dylan Tok...
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 13:16
Hello, b p m f!
Emm went for his first lesson of Conversational Chinese at the Bishan CC yesterday. I felt like a mother waiting to hear all about her kid's first day at school as I sat at Dome to wait for his class to end.
How's the teacher? Is she fun? Boring? What are the classmates like? Is the lesson fun? What did he learn today?
Not unexpectedly, the answer to that last question is the consonants and vowel sounds used in hanyu pinyin. "Hello, again, b p m f!"
That was what I started with too, when he approached me to teach him Chinese, properly, more than twelve months ago.
Actually, as far as I can remember, I was never taught this bopomofodetenele-thingy when I was a kid. Somehow, it came naturally to those of us whose parents speak Mandarin to us, where Mandarin was, in reality, mother tongue. We skipped this consonants+vowels thingy and went straight to recognising chinese characters and the strokes. Nevertheless, I forged a deep acquaintance with this during one of my modules, Aspects of Chinese Linguistics, in university.
Perhaps I should think about teaching conversational Chinese at some CC too. It's, after all, quite amusing to hear other foreign adults try to say Ma1ma ma4 ma3 (i.e. Mother scolds the horse).
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 11:24
2 + 1 women
Met Karen and Miche for lunch at Botak Jones, Ang Mo Kio, yesterday.
For the sake of those who have been hearing about Botak Jones but have not tried... the mini-me burger was pretty good with tender meat patty (according to Karen); Miche didn't seem particularly impressed nor disgusted with her mini-me Fish and Chips; I think my Dawg set meal was all right but the pasta salad tasted boring. In all, I don't think our debut will put us on the list of regular customers for Botak Jones. But, I think we should perhaps give the steak a go before passing the final judgement.
Over lunch, as always when the 2 + 1 women meet up, some funny things were being heard...
karen: ... (in a relationship) gotta give and take.
miche: (nods) I take.
me: That's good...
karen: and I give.
me: Haha! That's good... so long as someone takes and someone gives.
miche: Ya...
me: Ya! It does not always have to be you give sometimes and take sometimes, right? That's just being calculative.
===
me: But she cooked for you. Right?
miche: (look of puzzlement)
karen: No...
me: The almond drink thing... she cooked for you...
karen: She just added water!
miche: Ya... I didn't cook. I just helped to add water.
karen: Ya! I even had to get the ingredients myself.
me: Oh. Ok... Well... she helps you to arrange shoes! Remember you told me?
karen: (look of puzzlement)
me: She arranges the shoes while you chat with me on gmail... That's something she does for you, right...
karen: I only have three pairs of shoes!
me: ...
miche: (realises the direction of this conversation is not putting anything in her favour) Ok. Stop... Stop!
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 11:02
January 11, 2009
the perfect feeling
I wonder, if one can tell how much in love two persons are with each other just by walking past them. It was a really, really lovely day. Somehow, we did the usual things, nothing out of the ordinary; yet, somehow, it felt especially right today. Perhaps, it's the very cooling weather. Perhaps it's just the time to go up a gradient. Perhaps it's the festive mood or even the shopping.
A sense of peace, security, reliability... contentment is being with the right person at the right time and doing anything, or nothing, is everything.
At the same time, my first 'partner' is back from Shanghai! All hail my low-profile Babelicious darling!
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 00:16
January 06, 2009
A new blogging experience awaits!
Yes. After two years of using that previous blogskin, I've changed the blogskin of my blog, as well as the title. Less attitude, more simplicity. I hope.
Aside from purple, I like green too. Hence, this blog space has changed from 'so purple!' to 'so green!' At least, I don't use ambiguous colours like... greenish-purple... or greyish-yellow... or the likes.
The only problem (yes, I've noticed) is the font size. From now on, I have to choose to blog my posts in a larger font rather than just use the default-normal.
Everything else very much remains the same. Read on! Comments? Identify yourself as a visitor of this eden of mine. (^_^)
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 11:35
January 05, 2009
Oppsie!
I tried to change the blogskin of this blog. I chose one that's refreshing and cool. I had problems with customizing the html script.
Feeling hopeful (and adventurous), I went to upgrade my blogger settings layout. I saved my original template. I didn't like much of the templates in blogger. I tried to revert to my original purple blogskin. I was horrified to learn that I couldn't.
I decided that was too traumatic. I am going to just put up with this current one until I feel more adventurous again.
At least, green colour is supposed to be good for your eyes.
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 13:02
January 02, 2009
Happy Birthday
to Emmanuel!
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 13:59